'I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Unitarian' Song Lyrics - The Emerson Avenger Version. . .

The Emerson Avenger's rather militant parody version of Gilbert & Sullivan's famous 'The Major General's Song' from their comic opera 'The Pirates Of Penzance', a song that is much more commonly known as 'I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General', was "composed" and posted to The Emerson Avenger blog over two years ago. I am now cross-posting it here as well because a fair number of people, presumably Unitarian*Universalists aka U*Us aka U*Unitarians, search for this satirical U*U song and, by cross-posting my version here with its actual title 'I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Unitarian' in the blog post title itself, I will hopefully make it just a little bit easier for U*Us or indeed other people to find and appreciate. . .

This is most certainly not the Rev. Dr. Christopher Gist Raible version of - 'I Am the Very Model of a Modern Unitarian'


I am the very model of a modern Unitarian,
I'm "liberal", and "Humanist", remarkably contrarian,
I know some things of Channing, but ignore the fights historical,
From Coleridge to Emerson, because I'm hypocritical;
I'm very unacquainted too with matters theological,
I understand our pagans are most flaky and illogical,
As a religious "Humanist" I'm dealing with some nasty news,
With many fearful facts about those "fundie" atheist U*Us.

I'm very good at being corpse-cold, indifferent, and callous,
I know the U*U logo is a form of flaming chalice,
In short, in matters human*itarian and Social*ist Darwinian,
I am the very model of a modern Unitarian.

I don't know our mythic history of corpse-cold Unitarians,
I won't answer to those rumours about Nazi Unit-Aryans,
I quote in U*U blogs the many crimes of Roman Catholics,
While turning a blind eye to those of our own U*U clerics,
I Deny, Ignore and Minimize U*U abusers and barbarians,
I can't hear the croaking chorus from our famous Unitarians,
Then I do my very utmost not to face the music's din again,
And ignore the whistle-blowing of that infernal Emersonian.

Then I can write a blog post in barbaric and insulting form,
And tell U*Us every detail of the Accepted Straight Man Uniform;
In short, in matters Wagnerian, Bavarian, and Totalitarian,
I am the very model of a modern Unitarian.

In fact, when I know what is meant by U*Us are unravelin',
When I can't tell the difference between some U*Us and Joe Stalin,
When affairs of U*U clergy are surprises I don't dare berate,
And when I know precisely what is meant by to "commiserate". . .
When I have learnt what progress has been made in U*U shunnery,
When I know no more of ethics than a U*U in a nunnery:
In short, when I've a splattering of anal U*U funnery,
You'll say a better U*U has never ever sh*t on me.

I know that Robin's knowledge, though quite lucky and adventurous,
Has insultingly been put down by U*U Atheists Acrimonious;
But still in matters contrarian, sectarian, and indeed barbarian,
I am the very model of a modern Unitarian.